Donna Quesada: Would you be prepared to share what works for you?
Jonathan Robinson: One thing that works for me is…I typically do one thing referred to as The Headless Method, which was a well-liked guide a few years in the past. And you realize, from our perspective, we don’t have a head. Consider it. You look out and also you see any person else’s face, however you don’t see yours.
JONATHAN: In order that jogs my memory that I’m type of again right here on this subject of consciousness and there’s this…there’s these arms popping out of this empty area. That’s the way it seems to be to me. Like…there’s arms popping out of an empty area. I see one thing in entrance of right here. And so, I determine with what’s behind this physique, moderately than figuring out that I’m the physique. So typically, I’ll even say that, I’m the sector of consciousness behind this physique that’s taking in sense impressions, and feels only a piece of this second, the place I’m a witness to a world projected in entrance of me. Now that’s plenty of phrases, but when these phrases imply one thing to you, then each time you look, you see. Like…you’re on this three dimensional film and you’re the projector. This consciousness is just like the projector behind the film…and that helps me to get to the place of witness consciousness the place I’m simply watching this ego, this character, these ideas, simply kinda go by this display of consciousness.
DONNA: So, are you speaking about merely recalling that I’m simply this…I’m behind this movie, so to talk, and I’m watching it play out…Is it simply the remembering of that? I’m simply this headless stream of consciousness?
JONATHAN: Yeah, it’s a remembrance of it, nevertheless it’s additionally a direct visible expertise. As a result of from my perspective, there’s an arm popping out of this empty area. Take a look at your self, you realize, it’s like there’s this physique however you don’t see your head. And that’s kinda like a visible reminder that everyone’s totally different. Some individuals they tune into by making an attempt to not remember. Attempt to not remember now. You possibly can’t do it! It’s all the time there. So, little tips will help, and that’s largely what we speak about within the Consciousness Explorers pod forged.
DONNA: Now, just like the brief meditation we did collectively, it sounds prefer it’s only a method towards mindfulness which has turn out to be one thing of a buzzword within the final decade, or so. However, how does that act of turning into current or aware, assist us turn out to be peaceable? And you already know…and once more, I’m talking from a satan’s advocate perspective, for many who could be watching, who haven’t discovered a sort of apply route into awakening…and perhaps are experimenting with totally different methods or practices. How does merely utilizing the physique, or utilizing totally different angles to develop into current, work? Why? Why is it good? What’s the massive deal about now? Let me simply put it…what if proper now is filled with ache and distress and plenty of yucky stuff happening?
JONATHAN: You already know, really proper now isn’t filled with something. Proper now is only one second. After which, you understand, when you’re watching a film and also you see only one second of it…you don’t actually know what’s happening the film. It could be a horror film, however all you see is anyone going like this. So mindfulness is barely totally different than what I’m speaking about; though it’s a step in that means. Mindfulness is getting extra within the current second, like, extra in your physique. Like, I’m conscious that this hand is in entrance of my…is shifting. And you want…turn into conscious of that.
Then you’ll be able to say, the subsequent step in the direction of deeper peace, is to develop into what’s conscious of that. Like, who’re you? What’s conscious? And that’s a good deeper degree of peace than what mindfulness may give. However mindfulness is an effective starting as a result of the extra current you develop into, the much less caught up you’re within the tales of our life. You realize, at one time in my life I had all types of trauma rising up, and I used to be misplaced in that trauma and I’d all the time have my story. However as I turned extra conscious of this second, there’s no trauma that occurred twenty years in the past, you understand? So, on this second, there’s only a man speaking, and there’s somebody listening. After which, there’s anyone who’s even conscious of a man speaking, and that consciousness is the place actual peace comes from. I’ve interviewed a whole lot of religious academics and I ask them, “what’s the one factor that everybody agrees on?” All of them agree that turning into conscious of this consciousness in deeper methods, is the important thing to a deeper relationship with God, and a deeper relationship with peace. However, it’s not simply theoretical; there are methods of doing that, and it needn’t take that lengthy. It’s all the time there.
DONNA: You talked about trauma. Do we’d like trauma? The so-called,“darkish night time of the soul” with a view to push us, or propel us into this want to awaken?
JONATHAN: I feel some individuals do. However, I feel it’s not a mandatory ingredient. You recognize, it’s like a motivator. Do you want a fireplace underneath your butt to get motivated? Properly some individuals do, however it’s not completely required. I attempt to encourage myself now, and not using a entire bunch of drama or trauma.
DONNA: Is there ever a time the place distraction serves a objective? You realize,we’re speaking concerning the significance of being current as a result of once I’m right here proper now, the place is the trauma? However, is there ever a time the place being distracted is a helpful factor?
JONATHAN: Properly, I feel all of us want sure leisure…a specific amount of not specializing in heaviness. You recognize, life has a number of totally different prospects. I feel all of us need stability in our lives. So, once in a while I eat a cookie, and I additionally eat good salads. And once in a while I work by means of my stuff, and now and again, I watch TV. And I feel that creates a balanced human being.
DONNA: If you have been a “awful psychotherapist,”I think about you labored with couples. One of many largest issues that folks deliver to therapists has to do with their private relationships. And, I do know you’ve written on this matter fairly a bit. And, I actually liked what you stated about intimacy…that three issues must be there; “The three As.”Acknowledgment, acceptance, and…is it appreciation?
JONATHAN: Yeah…yeah, yeah.
DONNA: Why are these three issues so essential? And, are you able to discuss them? What does that imply, to acknowledge?
JONATHAN: Acknowledge signifies that you agree anyone’s having the expertise they are saying they’re having, which is basically the important thing to empathy. Individuals need empathy and understanding in relationships and when you give them that, they’ll have the ability to be at their greatest to offer you what you need. However most of us usually are not good at giving this. So, if someone involves you and says, “Oh you have been impolite in that final interview and also you’re actually disruptive.”Nicely, you would clarify to them that you simply weren’t…however they gained’t take heed to you till they really feel acknowledged for his or her expertise. So, should you say, “Oh sounds such as you felt actually bothered by a few of my questions and that was actually exhausting on you.”They’d say, “Yeah!” Properly, till they’re acknowledged for his or her expertise, they gained’t actually be good at listening to you. So, plenty of occasions…I wrote a ebook referred to as Extra Love, Much less Battle, the place I train individuals easy strategies to assist get to understanding and empathy. As a result of as soon as couples have that, then every little thing else goes nicely. Lots of people…they…they convey in a method that fosters blame, and blame by no means works. By no means as soon as have I blamed my spouse, and she or he stated, “Oh yeah! Now I see what you’re speaking about! Thanks for displaying me the errors of my methods!” That by no means occurs.
DONNA: So acknowledgement, to make it sensible for somebody watching…and, that is on the coronary heart at many individuals’s dissatisfaction in life…is just saying…listening…once they say, “you’re not serving to me sufficient,” or, “I felt such as you…you weren’t…”I don’t know…What’s the grievance individuals convey to you? “You’re not taking me out sufficient…”or, “serving to round the home sufficient…”
JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah.
DONNA: So, acknowledgement is just listening and speaking that empathy?
JONATHAN: Yeah, getting that you simply get their emotions…
JONATHAN: …and that could possibly be as straightforward as saying, “It sounds such as you felt actually…clean.”
JONATHAN: It’s not rocket science. It’s quite simple. Nevertheless it’s like a super-power as a result of most individuals don’t understand how to try this properly. So, in the event you’re any person like Oprah, who’s nice at empathy…she went from the underside of society to the highest, based mostly on merely that she actually cares about individuals and she or he exhibits her empathy.
DONNA: And so, acknowledgment, appreciation…I feel appreciation is perhaps self-evident…merely expressing your self, verbally concerning the ways in which you are feeling gratified in a relationship, or, the belongings you like about your companion. Would that be right?
JONATHAN: Yeah, it may be. Give me so simple as, like…if I have been to understand you now, all I’ve to do is fill within the clean. One thing I’ve observed about you, Donna, that I recognize, is that your questions come from true curiosity, like…you’re actually on this, and that makes for a greater interview. And, I observed that you simply actually are very honest in your questions, and I actually…I actually respect that. Now, as I used to be already considering that…however, once we say our appreciations, it creates extra connection. It creates extra love. And for my part, crucial factor a human being can do, is discover ways to create extra love, or extra peace. And so, your mission, do you have to determine to simply accept it, is to seek out what methods result in extra love and extra peace in your life.
DONNA: And so, simply to finish the three “A’s,”the ultimate can be: Acceptance. Settle for your companion, warts and all. Which means, that is the individual you married. And to me, in my thoughts, meaning, don’t attempt to change one another. And I feel that’s the most important pitfall in…in relationships, is that…slipping into that tendency to attempt to change the opposite. And so…
JONATHAN: Yeah, paradoxically. Sarcastically, the easiest way to vary any person is to completely settle for them how they’re, proper now.
JONATHAN: As a result of when…if you attempt to change somebody, they essentially have a tendency to withstand.
DONNA: The protection mechanism.
JONATHAN: Mhmm. If you love someone as they’re, they naturally need to be a greater associate for you. So, once I… at first I married my spouse, how I needed her to be. After which, over time, I discovered to marry the person who she is. And as I did that, she turned extra of the individual I needed her to be.
DONNA: Pretty. You realize it appears to me, a extra necessary query to ask about this stuff…as a result of we’re speaking about find out how to deliver peace into peoples lives, in areas which might be huge, like relationships. And so, to me, it looks like the query to ask is, what prevents us from doing this? What prevents us from this type of intimacy? What are the blocks towards acceptance, acknowledgment, and appreciation?
JONATHAN: Properly, in case you take a look at the phrase intimacy, a few of the directions are literally within the phrase, hidden within the phrase. Into me see. So, whenever you reveal stuff about your self, it creates a vulnerability that permits individuals to attach with you. On this tradition, we don’t discover ways to talk in that means. We discover ways to talk by way of blame. Take a look at our politics now; it’s all who’s in charge. And so, in our relationship…so, we study that language…and it doesn’t work in relationships. So, we’ve got to discover ways to talk in a weak means. Say what we respect. Say what we’re feeling. Say what we’re needing. You realize,only a easy method…“I’m feeling ‘clean,’and I’m actually wanting ‘clean.’” That may assist…go a great distance since you’re revealing stuff about your self and by doing these little weak statements, it creates extra connection and extra love.
DONNA: So in reply to the query what prevents us from this intimacy, it will be worry of being weak?
JONATHAN: Worry of being weak and the tendency to speak in methods which might be about blame, quite than about appreciation and vulnerability.
DONNA: It’s humorous. Like gratitude, vulnerability has turn into type of this self-help, or dare I say it, New Age buzz phrase. However but…and I can’t assist however consider the Ted Speak you already know, by Brené Brown. And it’s an exquisite speak and it truly is true! Are you able to discuss why it truly is true that we’d like to have the ability to go there? To be weak, in an effort to have that intimacy? Why…why is it so essential?
JONATHAN: Plainly…as soon as once more, going again to the phrase intimacy…into me see…is what we would like. Once we we all know anyone’s ache, or we all know their…I assume, permits our coronary heart to open up. Once we see anyone weak it permits us to let go of our personal defenses…
JONATHAN: …and see how we’re related. As a result of all of us expertise ache. So, in the event you say that you simply’re actually nervous, I do know what that’s like. If I say that I’ve a stomachache, you already know what that’s like, you understand? So, by some means, it permits us to let go of those ego defenses that we construct up, and to really feel out commonality. And as soon as once more, the…what helps, is straightforward strategies that may assist as a result of we haven’t discovered this language.
JONATHAN: Right here’s a way.
DONNA: Okay! Yeah!
JONATHAN: Yeah, finishing this sentence back-and-forth. “In the event you actually knew me…”So, Donna, in case you actually knew me, you’d know that I’m all the time somewhat afraid of coming off an excessive amount of like a salesman in these interviews, trigger I hate salesmen. I hate…I hate that. However, I’m very passionate, so I’m all the time like…am I coming off as a salesman? Or,am I…do I appear honest? So, when you actually knew me, you’d know that’s what’s happening with me. How about you?
DONNA: Okay. So…okay, so, it’s being courageous to share one thing about your self that you simply usually can be guarded about.
DONNA: Okay, okay. Hmm. In the event you knew me, you’d know that I are typically perfectionistic, you already know? That’s the Virgo factor.
JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah.
DONNA: So, enjoyable and simply having a dialog, and even stuttering typically, and attending to the purpose the place that’s okay, is a problem.
JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah.
DONNA: There you will have it.
JONATHAN: You do this back-and-forth a couple of occasions…you get to know any person fairly nicely.
DONNA: Fantastic! In order that’s a great Thanksgiving desk recreation.
DONNA: Jonathan, in our previous couple of minutes collectively, is there something you’d actually wish to share with the world, when it comes to your mission to convey individuals to inside peace shortly?
JONATHAN: Nicely as you’ve heard, a part of what I attempt to do, is get actually good strategies on the market. Strategies that take beneath a minute. And my thought is, when you discover one thing that results in extra connection, like…we simply did a easy technique, or, a number of the awakening strategies we talked about earlier…if any person will get that from what I say, they’ve a good friend for all times. ‘Trigger they will use that for his or her remainder of their life to create moments of awakening, or moments of affection. And that feels actually good to me. That’s what modified my life. I used to be a really depressed teenager, however I discovered sure issues that labored for me. And once you discover one thing that works for you, then maintain at it. You recognize…‘trigger our…our job collectively, is to get to extra peace, extra love, and from there, from our abundance, then we will higher assist different individuals.
DONNA: I like that. To name the little method “a pal.”It’s like slightly particular factor you’ve gotten in your pocket and it may get you out of hassle.
JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. And, higher capable of serve individuals as a result of once we’re misplaced in our story, in our struggling, for days, or weeks, or months on finish…we’re not likely doing any good to ourselves or different individuals.
DONNA: And, that impacts each space of our life, whether or not it’s our work or our relationships.
DONNA: Or, our religious follow.
DONNA: The place can individuals discover you?
JONATHAN: Properly, I’ve on an internet site referred to as FindingHappiness.com.
JONATHAN: There’s plenty of free stuff on there, or, at AwarenessExplorers.com the place they will obtain the podcast.
DONNA: Fantastic. Is there anything you’d wish to say?
JONATHAN: Thanks for this chance! I all the time finish my podcasts Consciousness Explorers by telling individuals, “Hold exploring! ”Maintain investing in your personal magnificence, and that’s the easiest way to serve your self and different individuals.
DONNA: Thanks for that. Within the spirit of exploration, I’ll say goodbye and thanks as soon as once more, Jonathan, for sharing your time with us. I do know I’ve loved it, and I do know our viewers will, as properly. It was good to satisfy you.
JONATHAN: Thanks, Donna.
Jonathan Robinson has written a number of bestseller books together with, “The Full Fool’s Information to Awakening Your Spirituality;” “The Expertise of God,” “The Little Ebook of Huge Questions;” and “Communication Miracles for Couples.” His newest guide is known as, “Extra Love, Much less Battle.” Jonathan additionally co-hosts the podcast “Consciousness Explorers” with writer Brian Tom O’Connor. This podcast focuses on revealing the simplest and strongest practices for instantly awakening to at least one’s true nature.
Via TV, reside lectures and radio, Mr. Robinson has reached over 100 million individuals all over the world. He’s recognized for offering his audiences with instantly helpful info introduced in a enjoyable and entertaining method.
Learn and Watch Half I Right here: Awakening Is Actually A Shift In Id, From Your Character And Ego, To Pure Consciousness.
Learn and Watch Half II Right here: How To Align With Your Greater Self
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